Happy New Year 2019

As I said to myself; " people always love you when you have something or people not really love you but they wanna hang out with you because they need help to cure themselves "

Yes, indeed. As I get older than I realized that only family that really love you sincerely. And first and foremost you yourself need to love your own self.

OK. That is only an intro. Now is the semester break so that i feel energized because i have time for being lazy. If not every weekend need to go to the class with those assignment and too much work at office. For this 2019 still unsure of the workload but really sure for the ABR must be very busy.

And hopefully everything will goes well on 2019. It is not too late to wish Happy New Year everyone.

This year my age is 39 and almost to get to 40 years old. My resolution for this year is to get finish my study and to buy a better house for the children. Hopes that with my paying will get a new house. Pray for me plishhh.

Hujan dan matahari

Benar Tuhan menggantikan hujan dengan matahari.
Bukanlah bermaksud Tuhan memberi kamu segalanya. Seperti bila kehilangan suami akan diberi yang baru dan lebih baik. Tidak semestinya.
Tapi Tuhan memberikan kamu ketenangan dimana kamu tidak lagi ingin terkinja2 nak pergi dating. (Dulu I excited nak mampos klu nak gi dating) Now tak lagi. Haaa itu maksud matahari yg saya maksudkan. Ketenangan melebihi segalanya :)

-_-

Lately i felt so sad. Sebab I nak sesuatu tapi tak dapat. ;(
Sometimes I hate my life. I hate my ex so much. Kalau nak maki bergunung kot?
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Tapi I need to sabar. Kalau gi kelas baru rasa happy. Sebab tu la I suka gi kelas.
Rasa kembali ke alam remaja walau semua pun dah tua2. Hihihi
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Nanti ntah2 I buat double master sebab boring duduk rumah tak buat ape kan? Nak buat PHD susah la pulak rasa tak mampu. Semua cost di tanggung sendiri. Tu satu tak mampu.. satu lagi am not that brilliant.. heheheh
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Penat pikul tggjawab sensorang. Tapi nak buat lagu mana kan? Kenapa rasa sedih sgt ni? :(((

Aku dan sesuatu

Kawan aku tu merajuk. Mungkin sbb dia kata aku dah senang tanak tolong dia. 

Aku skrg dah malas nak explain diri aku pada orang. Tak mcm dulu2 habis semua aku cerita dalam blog. Ntahla semakin tua ni kalau org lain tak tahu apa aku lalui semakin senang hati aku. Sebab tu sekarang aku bukan attention seeker mcm dulu.

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Org tak suka aku? Aku buat tak tahu. Org suka aku? Aku layan mcm mana dia layan aku. Org merajuk dengan aku? Sampai kiamat aku takkan pujuk. Nak kata aku ego mungkin kot? Tapi tak jugalah.. sebab aku tahu dengan adanya Tuhan.. aku bergantung pada Dia sahaja. Anak2? Kereta? semua tu pinjaman duniawi. 

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Sebab tu walau aku bengang giler ngan ex husben aku malas nak cerita pada sesiapa. Kecuali kawan2 yg selalu aku jumpa. Atau dengan family yg tanya2 dan menyebabkan aku membuka cerita. Biarla malas aku nak amik tahu pasal exhusben aku. Tapi aku ni jenis berdendam juga sebab sedikit sebanyak aku takkan menyenangkan hidup dia sebab dia pun tak pernah menyenangkan hidup aku. hahahahahaha *ketawa setan k*

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Banyak masa terluang kerana isu company. So aku dtg kerja selama sebulan setengah ni utk tidur dan gosip bawang. Kami gosip pun utk menyedarkan diri sendiri di mana kami mengambil sedikit sebanyak pengajaran dari cerita2 bawang tersebut.

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Belajar? .. hmmm ok je. Kerja? hmmm.. ok juga. Pakwe? Hmm.. kekasih gelap banyaklah.. Hahahahaha.. dulukan aku attention seeker kalau ada boifren kan? sekarang tidak lagi.. sebab tu kekasih gelap aku ramai... hahahahaha... dan biaq depa yg jadi attention seeker. Senang hati aku. Tu yang makin gemuk nih.. Hahahahaha *ketawa kuntilanak pulak*

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Kbai

Guarantor

Kali ni pos aku mmg akan berbunyi tak puas hati. Ceritanya macam ni.

Aku ada sorang kawan yg susah. Baru divorce anak 4 kelulusan spm. Dapat bantuan zakat. Kerja jual ais krim Malaysia, mengasuh dan amik upah iron baju dari butik. Baru2 ni nak mintak tolong aku jadi guarantor. Aku ok je ekceli. Cuma aku risau dia tak dapat bayar bulanan kereta tu.

Kalau dia nk mintak tolong aku dia pun kenala faham keadaan aku. Aku bukan org kaya. Gaji pun cukup makan kdg kurang pun. Anak aku 4 jugak. Pun single mom takdak sapa2 backup. Kerja pun contract bukan permanent.

Masalah kawan aku ni.. dia tak paham apa aku nak. Dia tak paham apa aku fikirkan. Jadi guarantor ni mmg takde benefit pun kat aku. Lagi menambahkan beban aku adalah. Aku dah terpikir nak beli rumah. Nnti bila nk buat loan bank akan kira sekali komitmen aku sbg penjamin.

Aku nk tolong atas dasar kawan dan aku tahu dia susah lebih susah dari aku. Tapi dia ni degil. Aku nak explain dia tanak dengar. Sebokla kata aku org senang la.. sambung belajar la.. sebab aku dah naik angin bila aku nk explain guna watsap dia pun bukan nak baca. Sebok menaip nak reply. Dia ingat aku tanak tolong. Hello.. aku nk tolong cuma bersyarat. Syarat mulut je pun bukan kena sign2 mcm tu.

Bila aku call dia tanak jawab atas alasan battery phone weak. Aku da submit semua dokumen pada salesman perodua tu pun. Salesman perodua tu yg call aku ingtkan risiko yg aku perlu tanggung sebagai penjamin. Dia ingtkan aku supaya kena ada langkah berjaga2.

Kalau ikut aku la.. biarla aku susah tak minta tolong org pun takpa. Aku kalau susah tak terdesak mmg tak mintak tolong org. Paling selalu pun aku pinjam duit kat abang and adik aku je. Kalau mintak tolong kawan aku make sure dapat gaji terus bayar. Dia tu pun bukan takde pilihan kan? Pakcik makcik mmg ada la klu setakat nk jadi penjamin Kan?

Aku pun dah tanya adik aku pasal bantuan zakat ni kalau dalam keadaan mcm mana zakat akan tarin balik bantuan. Dan aku willingly nk tolong. Cuma dia degil asyik kesian kat diri Sendiri. End up dia kata tanak tolong. Dan aku malas nk explain lebih2. Pandai2 lah sana

Unnecessary

Hey watzup gang.
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Am just dunno where to start.
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Life which people did not understand your journey. They look at you and they think what they want to think but what they think is only the intuition or gut feelings. They do not want to understand what you are thinking and what is your feelings. They just know what they are feelings and what they are thinking.
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Let me tell you my opinion, people have different background, different experiences, different mentality and different responsibilities. Everyone in this world is unique even when you have twins. So that we have different ideas about life and different ways how to handle our life.
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Sometimes your opinion it's just not suit to me. It depends on me to take it or leave it. Am I right?
Unnecessarily right to you but indeed it is right to me.
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My last word, you do not need to understand me and I do not need to understand you. If we try to understand each other, I will have a big headache.
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Only my dopocen opinion.

Marshmello_silence

Yeah, I'd rather be a lover than a fighter
'Cause all my life, I've been fighting
Never felt a feeling of comfort
All this time, I've been hiding
And I never had someone to call my own, oh nah
I'm so used to sharing
Love only left me alone
But I'm at one with the silence

I found peace in your violence
Can't tell me there's no point in trying
I'm at one, and I've been quiet for too long
I found peace in your violence
Can't tell me there's no point in trying
I'm at one, and I've been silent for too long

I've been quiet for too long
I've been quiet for too long
I found peace in your violence
Can't tell me there's no point in trying
I'm at one, and I've been quiet for too long

I'm in need of a savior, but I'm not asking for favors
My whole life, I've felt like a burden
I think too much, and I hate it
I'm so used to being in the wrong, I'm tired of caring
Loving never gave me a home, so I'll sit here in the silence

I found peace in your violence
Can't tell me there's no point in trying
I'm at one, and I've been quiet for too long
I found peace in your violence
Can't tell me there's no point in trying
I'm at one, and I've been silent for too long

I've been quiet for too long
I've been quiet for too long
I found peace in your violence
Can't tell me there's no point in trying
I'm at one, and I've been quiet for too long